Monday, September 22, 2014

Uh-Oh! Bad Romance? How To Get the Hell Out?!

As you can tell from the title, this blog post is something different from the norm.
I usually write about Beauty & Makeup related blog posts, with a bit of Lifestyle posts here & there. 

However, recently...
I've been seeing many friends of mine in a relationship wreck, 
and I've been through that too. 
So this is just some ways in which I have used or some advice that could be helpful, 
to all you troubled people out there.. 

*Disclaimer: I am not a love doctor, a know-it-all.
I'm just sharing what works for me, and what I hope will work for you too. 



To me, ALL relationships have ups & downs- 
be it relationships with family, friends or that special someone. 
However, no relationship is entirely shitty. 
I mean, no matter how lousy your partner is, or how bad they treat you,
you will always remember the good times. 
Small actions, sweet words, or just quiet time spent together.

But what if you decided that you had enough & don't want to be stuck in that rut anymore?
Do you leave? Do you stay?
& if you leave, do you have the courage to stay that way?
Or would you crawl back to your partner, eventually. 



One phrase that I used to repeat to myself- 
"It's Okay to Move On."
This was a mental note that I followed & I left 2 previous unhealthy relationships, 
that were no good for me. 
They did come crawling back, and begging for forgiveness.
But this line, just spoke to me-
& I held my ground. 


Some relationships were developed out of convenience, proximity, chemistry or loneliness. 
But all this points, could never secure a relationship.
In other words, the relationship is bound to fail. 
We need more than the physical presence of somebody to hold up a meaningful relationship.
But we routinely and stubbornly keep people who are sometimes no good for us, 
just cause well, they are already around..
So, why not? 

Whereas some stay in relationships just cause it is easier to stay in them..
Than to make and create new relationships. 
But at the end of the day, holding on to a relationship takes effort too. 
So, ain't that the same? 
Isn't it better to find someone who is in a relationship with you, that actually adds value to it?

Also. Humans are creatures of Habit. 
We do most things out of habit.
For example, myself. 
I am not a hardcore smoker, neither a social smoker. 
But.. Sometimes I smoke cos that's what I do everyday when I wake up, 
when I'm bored & 
when I'm about to go to sleep. 
I don't need the nicotine kick at the time. 
But- if I don't give in to that annoying urge, I feel weird. 

That is the same for some relationships. 
We refuse to let go of someone dear, even if they were just destroying us with every passing minute-
Just cos' we are so used to them being there.
And without them, we THINK we are nothing but an empty shell. 


Or maybe, you are just "ADDICTED".

I took this paragraph off the Internet:

Are You Addicted?

Listed below are several signs of addiction. Consider whether they apply to you:
Even though you know the relationship is bad for you (and perhaps others have told youthis), you take no effective steps to end it.

You give yourself reasons for staying in the relationship that are not really accurate or that are not strong enough to counteract the harmful aspects of the relationship.

When you think about ending the relationship, you feel terrible anxiety and fear which make you cling to it even more.

When you take steps to end the relationship, you suffer painful withdrawal symptoms, including physical discomfort, that is only relieved by reestablishing contact.


Address the problem

You can try to address the problem by speaking to someone- friends, family or medical help.
Or you can even write it out to work through all your issues.


* The number of times you argued about the issue
& What issues did you two  argue about
* Who was the instigator
* The reasons why you are staying in this relationship 
* 20 things you like or love about your partner
* Things you dislike or hate about your partner
& Does your partner abuse you in any form- Verbal, Emotional, Physical?


Reasons for staying should be about Love or Stability of the family.
It should never be about finances or even fear. 

***& the point on abuse should be non-existent on your list, if it is there, seek professional help!


Some advice to note: 

Keep Yourself Occupied. 


It's way more difficult than said. 
I have tried it myself.. 
Even went on long trips overseas just to get my mind away from the issue,
& body far away from that person. 

But still, try.
Go for long walks, 
Clean the house, pack your clothes.
Just get your mind off the issue.
Mopping over your emotions would only make you feel worse. 


Talk to someone. don't keep it all in.


Ranting it out to a friend or seeking medical & professional advice helps one to take the load off one's chest/ shoulder. 
It is something that people tend to neglect, which actually does help a person alot in dealing with stress or relationship issues especially. 


Surround Yourself with Friends. 


Go out in a group, or with your girls/guys- company always makes one better. 
Go party, let the loud music drown your thoughts out. 
Go exercise and exhaust yourself to prevent those late night emotional thoughts. 
Go sign yourself up for a new hobby or a healthy activity. 
Travel if you can afford to. This is the best time for self-discovery.
Go out and date (ONLY if you are ready)

Generally, use distractions to your advantage!
& give yourself time.
Loads & loads of time.

Cliche as it sounds, time does really heal those wounds. 
Even if it doesn't. it helps numb the pain. 


Always remember this: 

It’s OK to move on. 
You owe it to yourself to move on. 
You owe it to yourself to be happy with the relationships you have. 
You are in control.
Moving on is sometimes the only way to develop new, empowering relationships. Starting anew, empty-handed and full-hearted, you can build fresher, stronger, more supportive relationships—important relationships that allow you to have fun and be happy and contribute beyond yourself. These are the meaningful relationships we all need.


I hope whatever that I shared in this post, would be able to help some troubled people out there.
We've gone through tough and dark times, We all have.. 
It is how we use them to make us better and stronger, that matters.
I sincerely hope that those in the dark now, will eventually see the light, 
and step out of that rut. 



xoxo 










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